Why Can’t I Forgive
Because you have been asked to do something that you cannot do. In a recent study of 16 models of forgiveness, the onus of ‘forgiving’ fell squarely on the victim to find it within themselves—no matter what was done to them, what was taken from them, how severely they were abused or diminished to just by an act of the will ‘decide to forgive’, ‘empathize with the perpetrator’, ‘cancel expectations’, ‘surrender the right to get even’, ‘give up one’s anger’, ‘release the person from the debt that is owed’, give the perpetrator the ‘altruistic gift of forgiveness’. Do these things and then you will begin to experience forgiveness? Are you kidding me? Something is terribly wrong with these models. Yeah?
Cantforgive.com is a site where victims of even unthinkable crimes can finally come out of the closet and get the real truth off your chest. Let’s finally face it. In spite of what you have been told by well meaning friends, counsellors, Priests, Pastors, Rabbis, or Immams, it is impossible to really forgive until you have truly experienced real justice with honor for the crimes. First the bad guy/gal/institution is exposed as being guilty and is appropriately punished and secondly, you have had what was taken experientially restored in some dynamic equivalence—to your hearts full satisfaction. Until that happens a nagging painful destructive debt remains stuck in our soul. You remain a victim. You have a hole in your soul.