Step 3
#3- Put a value (monetary or otherwise) to your losses and then tell me what you want the perpetrator to do before you would be really willing to even begin to forgive them.
1) Payment (Restoration)- Put a monetary figure down for each crime that was committed against you. Money is the universal measurement of ‘value’ in the West. How much do you really value what was taken from you?
2) Punishment- What would the desired punishment look like in your case? Imagine what you would have the offender do as an appropriate sign of admittance and repentance.
Be creative. Let your imagination run wild. The chances of this happening are very thin of course—so this exercise is for you not the perpetrator. But go for it. Angry hurt hearts can be very creative—very vengeful, very vulgar. Go for it. This step feels really good once you get into it. Don’t let the perpetrator off the hook. Don’t let empathy, or insecurities or self-blame get in the way. Don’t let a false notion of ‘mercy’ get in the way of your playing in this dark sandbox. Let your wounded heart be exposed. Really, be honest! What would you really want the person/institution to do before you would finally see that they get just how much they hurt you? If it is to just apologize privately— what are you doing on this site? You should try out Denial.com instead.