Now that the hub bub has died down a bit, I am ready to put my two cents in the dialogue. Imus was clearly in the wrong with his comments. I join with the consenus of the US who agree that his words were inappropriate and demeaning.

I also appreciate his apologies and what would appear to be well meaning sorrow for his comments. But having said that, the new question on the table is ‘Now what?’ What should happen to Imus that would ‘pay’ for the crimes against the Rutgers ladies basketball players? Was his admission and apology enough? Was the 2 week ‘vacation’ enough? Was being fired enough?

If we really wanted a reasonable justice to take place in this matter, two things need to occur. If Imus indeed really harmed someone, there should be– reasonably– a fair punishment to Imus. That’s fair isn’t it. It should be a reasonable objective discipline that costs Imus something, acts as a reminder and deterrent to him and other shock jocks. But that is incomplete. Secondly, there should be actions that restore to the ladies whatever Imus took from them.

The fair thing that should happen is a mutually agreed upon process of restoration involving Imus and the ladies. Let’s assume that he took honor away from the ladies. This is a very reasonable conclusion. They are people, made in God’s image and worthy of being held up in honor and respect. Not to mention the fact that they were also the runner up national champions and had earned the right to be honored.

For Imus to treat them and their efforts with disdain, prejudice, contempt, or even indifference was a horrific crime. His comments verbally objectified people to whom real honor and worth was due. He robbed them of public glory. They experienced among other things, a debt.

So the question to the ladies is this, “What was that crime worth to you?” Put some thought into the question. What was the real value of what Imus’ thoughtless perverse words took from you? Was the robbery of low value to you? If it was of low value, then his apology was probably more than enough to honor you and to restore the honor grabbed. On the other hand, if you really down deep beleive that you are a person to whom great honor was due, then perhaps the apology didn’t restore you to wholeness– or even come close?

If the latter is true, than for you to accept his apology was a self-inflicted debasement and objectification. Let me give you an image. If someone stole $10,000 from you; only later to give you $1000 and a sincere apology, you have a couple of choices. You can accept the $1000 (along with the $9000 debt) and swallow the debt yourself— or you can maintain the forgiveness/reconciliation process until the full debt is fully paid.

If you think that you are a person of real worth, and that Imus stole public glory from you, and has only ‘paid back’ a portion of the real debt that you experienced, what are you proclaiming to the world by your full acceptance of his apology. Ironically, you are committing a self-inflicted wound that looks a lot like what he did to you. You too have acted in a way that devalues your worth– you have accepted his assessment of your value and expected honor again– and have come short.

It is not a question of being a big person, or a good person, or a Christian, or a compassionate person. Inherently, you are saying that the intrinsic honor ascribed to you by his (lets assume) heartfelt apology fully paid you back. Is this what you really want to say? Or are you swallowing the debt yourself?

It is not a question of your sense of goodness, as much as your sense of your intrinsic worth. My guess, and ultimately it is not for me to say, but for the ladies themselves, is that the ladies have been rushed to forgive and have shortcutted a process that would have been a beautiful thing to watch. They are worth far, far more than the apology afforded. I hope that they really know that.

My best friend of sixteen years, Sam, and I have shared many secrets. I recently told her that my husband Jeff was not the true father of our 4yr old son Timothy. I explained to her that as his god-mother I felt she deserved to know. My husband knows that he is not Timothy’s father, yet he chose to stay with me and take care of him as if he were. He was able to forgive me for cheating on him and still raise my son as if he were his own. I have always been grateful for that. I explained all of this to Sam and she seemed OK with it. She told me she always suspected and was waiting for me to tell her, but other than that she seemed OK with it. I asked her not to say a word to anyone, and she promised me that she wouldn’t. I thought after 16yrs of friendship I would be able to trust her. Sam was the only person outside of my fa mily that I trusted with Tim’s secret. Several months past since I told her and I recently found out that she told her husband about Tim and Jeff. Her husband is Timothy’s god-father and a close friend of Jeff’s. One night Jeff comes storming in to the house drunk, and starts screaming at me. He called me a “good for nothing whore” and said “you can’t keep your legs closed, how could I expect you to keep your mouth closed.” I tried to calm him down, so he could tell me what was going on. He told me that Sam told her husband everything about Tim. I couldn’t believe it. I trusted her with a secret that could have very-well torn my family apart, and she turned around and told her husband. I understand that he is a mutual friend of the family and as the god-father he has a right to know as well, but she had no right to say anything. I haven talked to her once since that incident happened. She has tried to contact me and apologize, but I told her I can not forgive her for what she did. She violated my trust and our friendship. It was not her place to say anything. She had absolutely nothing at all to gain. She explained to me that she is stressed because she thinks she might be pregnant and it slipped out while her and her husband were talking about the baby. I find it hard to ever forgive Sam for what she did. I do not care about her reasons. Reasoning does not change the fact that she did it. Although she has assured me that she will not tell anyone; I find it hard to believe her or forgive her. I have told her we can no longer be friends after such a betrayal of trust. Although, no real harm was done; My family does know what happened and my husband is still going to be a part of Timothy’s life. As far as I am concerned Jeff is Timothy’s father, and nothing is going to change that. We have decided not to tell Timothy anything about his real father because he is still young. We are still not even sure if we are going to tell him at all. What is the point in confusing him if he already has a great father in his life? I have not spoken to Sam in weeks. Should I forgive her and salvage our friendship? Or should I continue to ignore her? What is the right thing to do?

Story Shared by “School Girl”

Millions of Christians—Jesus-Followers will say this or hear this particularly this weekend. It is Easter weekend. The Christian community is united in remembering the brutal sacrificial death of Jesus Christ on the cross during the annual Passover celebration in Jerusalem. Among other things that it represents, it is the judicial judgment for all of my crimes against God, mankind and creation. All of them. The work of Jesus, the Son of God on the cross that day has satisfied the demands of any court in all of the universe for all of my crimes of commission and omission. Technically, legally and in actuality, I have already had my day in court, been found absolutely guilty and condemned rightly to eternal punishment—and through the one act of the Final Adam—what I owed justice has been now fully paid. Not overlooked, not swept under the celestial rug, not the merciful act of a compassionate judge who just rubs my head and says, “Well, you messed up, but..hey its OK now!” It was fully weighed, measured and adjudicated—perfectly. Paid in full—though I didn’t spend a day in Hell.

I am now forgiven by God on the sole work of Jesus in my stead, on my behalf, in my place as a substitute guilty condemned.

This is the stunning news of Good Friday! It is finished, legally for me and for the billions of very guilty-as-sin-Jesus-followers like me. I am legally ‘forgiven’; meaning specifically (and this is very important) that all crimes, all debts, all offenses have been fully paid for. My debt against God is fully satisfied and so now He reasonably– naturally forgives me. It makes perfect social sense now. What is not to forgive—it is paid for. We can now commune as if there was never any debt between us. File closed. There is nothing to prevent His eternal love, honor, glory from pouring out over me for all eternity. Reconciliation can now begin experientially in earnest. I can now really get it! All because Jesus took care, perfectly of all my debts.

So now, back to the original statement. On this day, Christians all over the globe in 100s of languages will hear at the end of millions of homilies and messages from a 1000 different denominations and sects, “Go Now and Forgive Like Jesus—Forgive like God does.”

Almost without exception—universally, that has come to mean, “Because of the awesome huge price to Jesus for what he did for you, by an act of the will, just let go of the debt of the crime committed against you.” Let go of your right of justice for that crime. Choose to forgive. Choose the path of compassion. Choose to release the ‘other’ from the debt caused by their offense. You absorb their debt because, “that’s what Jesus – that’s what God would do!”

No! Particularly on this day, we can see that that is not the case. That is exactly not what God would do. God required the horrific death, the vulgar painful humiliating dehumanizing death of the God-Son, Jesus, before He would move one single iota toward forgiving you or I of any crime—any crime—no matter how big or how little. God, by His wonderful and glorious perfect nature (which is reflected in us as His image) demands justice for all crimes—all rebellion. The Universe is perfectly moral. It is foundationally good yet scarred by evil and corruption. It is God’s perfect plan that all corruption be redeemed. Nothing less.

Let me put it another way. You cannot really forgive-like-Jesus anyone until their actual debt to you is fully paid; what they took from you directly and indirectly is fully paid. There may be the words, “I forgive”, but it does not mean the same thing that God means. Actually way down deep, that kind of ‘I forgive’ is in actuality a secondary self-victimization. You are giving up your right to the debt being paid. You are undermining the image of God in you. Ironically, it is a sin against God!

Until the debt is paid – and you are restored– there is no basis for ‘Jesus-intimacy’. There may be some lesser reconciliation, boundaries, some flimsy foundation—there may be ‘peace’—but not ever intimacy—not the God-peace that surpasses comprehension.

On this weekend, where God’s wonderful gracious justice is most clearly manifested—lets not in any way water down ‘forgiveness’. Not this year. Let’s go for something much higher this year and truly be set free from our victimization. Let’s find deep intimacy with those who offended us so deeply!