Repentance by Maimonides

Posted on June 5, 2008

Western forgiveness intervention models (e.g., Worthington, Enright) are clearly ‘victim’ focused. Researches have found that unforgiving victims tend to suffer from maladies such as depression, heart issues, depression, etc. So intervention models were designed to bring some healing to the victim by cognitive therapy so that they can unilaterally ‘forgive’ the perpetrator. Facilitators have observed and published significant successes in victim healing. My problem with this approach is not that they are unsuccessful in what they attempt to accomplish. They appear to be quite helpful in facilitating some healing of specifically the victim– measurably so. My problem is that for the most part, the offender and the larger community are– for the most part, ignored. These models are highly individualistic and utilitarian.

In contrast, modern Jewish intervention models are ‘offender’ driven; emphasizing the offender’s “teshuvah” (i.e., the ‘process of return’). For forgiveness and reconciliation to take place, the offender must become worthy of forgiveness by means of apology, remorse, and restitution (if appropriate) before God and mankind. Per the respected writings on the topic by the 12th ct Rabbi Maimonides (Mishneh Torah), appropriate offender teshuvah must include (a) Acknowledgement that one has done something wrong, (b) Public confession of one’s wrongdoing to both God and the community, (c) Public expression of remorse, (d) [Public announcement of] the offender’s resolve not to sin in this way again, (e) Compensation of the victim for the injury inflicted accompanied by acts of charity to others, (f) Sincere request of forgiveness by the victim, (g) Avoidance of the conditions that caused the offense, and (h) Acting differently when confronted with the same situation.

Very interesting. Without at all discounting the healing successes of the western victim-focussed intervention models, I wonder if they are missing much of the healing value– and for that matter, the community building value to both the victim and the perpetrator that would be part of a broader forgiveness intervention model. What do you think?

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The Shack

Posted on March 24, 2008

I just finished reading William P. Young’s, ‘The Shack’ (Thanks Chris M. for the heads up). I highly recommend this provocative novel/allegory. It is about a father whose daughter is tragically kidnapped at a family vacation. The book offers a compassionate, very sensitive presentation of the wildly ranging emotional turmoil and mourning involved in such a vast loss— the feeling ’stuck’ in “The Great Sadness’. But it doesn’t stop there. It goes on to invite the father (and the reader) into a stunning healing journey that intimately involves the entirety of the Triune God.

How does a God-follower who has suffered such pain find the healing combination of a mercy/healing/forgiveness that does not treat justice lightly? Read ‘The Shack”.

“Mackenzie, Judgment is not about destruction, but about setting things right.”

Mack smiled, “I don’t feel stuck anymore.”

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Mid-East Turmoil?

Posted on February 19, 2008

It is a mess in the middle east. There is an enmeshed conflict at just about all levels. Socio-economic, religious, personal and historic bitterness at mistreatments and past issues– and of course just flat out bigotry. We in the West are more and more aware that we are not getting the entire picture from the media (no conspiracy theory fodder meant at all– just the nature of the beast).

I am headed to Israel for a brief trip– of course to visit the amazing sites– to see the places where God spoke to Moses, Abraham, David, Paul and Jesus. It will be a stunning time.

We will also have extended times where we will dialogue with both Israelis, Arabic and Christian Palestinians. I want to look into their eyes and here the story straight. What are they feeling about their lot, their hopes for resolution and peace. What are they feeling toward the others in the conflict? Is there a plan that would seem to bring hope for reconcilation in our lifetimes? What would forgiveness for them look like?

As I was preparing, I came across a section from the prophet Ezekiel. I wonder if in it there is fodder for hope for each party. The prophet is looking ahead to the restoration of Spiritual Israel. He gives its boundaries, north, south, east and west. He is describing a ‘perfected, holy Israel’– an Israel that finally is free and safe, and reflects ‘shalom’. If you are looking forward to the restoration of a spiritual Israel– this is what it would look like. Listen to the prophet’s concern for the others in the land.

Ezekiel 47: 21 “You are to distribute this land among yourselves according to the tribes of Israel. 22 You are to allot it as an inheritance for yourselves and for the aliens who have settled among you and who have children. You are to consider them as native-born Israelites; along with you they are to be allotted an inheritance among the tribes of Israel. 23 In whatever tribe the alien settles, there you are to give him his inheritance,” declares the Sovereign LORD.

Fascinating isn’t it? Getting from where we are today to anything close to that seems impossible doesn’t it? But not to God. He is the great God who can bring restitution for all that was robbed from all mankind. In fact, He promises that He will do just that. His Spirit can heal fresh and age old wounds, individually and corporately. He can provide a safe place finally for all sides involved. Last but not least, He can give each ‘side’ the ability to see the other as ‘image-bearers’ of God Himself, and thus worthy of honor, respect and hospitality.

May it be so in our lifetimes– for the sake of all involved.

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The Scandalous Good News

Posted on January 7, 2008

Let me couch the ‘good news’ in Biblical narrative terminology. From the immediate moment of the fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden in Gen 4 — nothing – nothing at all moved mankind one inch closer to Eden– none of the acts of Abraham, Moses, Noah, David– not even Job! The only movement occured at the single Cross of Jesus Christ. Everything else– all that was labelled as ‘good’, ‘righteous’ or ‘pious’ were ony tragic human flailings—views of ‘right’ of ‘goodness’ that are more the fruit of the fall than of any tree in Eden. Three types of mankind streamed from the Garden. There were those who actively hated God and blamed Him—there were those who were indifferent or ignorant—but who like the first group didn’t pursue Eden’s restoration. And then there was the third group, those who desired the glory of Eden and so pursued its restoration. They sought to do what was right in the eyes of God—they sought to please Him to rebuild the burned bridges. But all three of these groups were birthed out of the fall – not of Eden.

God had interpreted the celestial inner coding to Adam and Eve before the fall. The universe perfectly reflected His heart and soul, His character. It was ultimately moral—just. All injustices had to be perfectly dealt with perfectly—nothing overlooked. And so for rebellion, disobedience, any mis-step—there was required death. If you eat of the tree, you will ‘die surely die’. None of the three groups put that into their equation. All were wrongheaded!

No matter. It wasn’t for them to accomplish anyway. The absurdity of the Bible’s narrative is that there is only one death that could pay for Justice—only the Judge Himself. That was the plan all along. No other option. So-called good men and women, nor religious men and women were any closer to Eden than perfectly evil men and women. There is no grading curve suggested at all be the Bible. And so now, finally, God – the innocent perfect Judge and also the plaintiff, willingly gives up his judicial rights, His glory, his immensity, his ‘otherness’ and suffers and the flaming sword of the guardian angel, so that people from all three groups can re-enter, re-expereince Eden at last.

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Going Dark well

Posted on December 14, 2007

For many, the winter season can be a very dark time. The holidays with their high expectations of a bright star, joy and decorated sugar cookies can quickly end up with darkness, anger and Zoloft. Experts warn us of the phenomenon called Seasonal Affective Disorder (appropriately ‘SAD’ for short). Some call it the ‘Winter Blues’. This is of course only further bad news for those who already struggle with depression throughout the year. It happens in the darker days of winter when the days are short and the skies generally sunless—ugly cold overcast. SAD can deeply affect one’s emotions and lead to more serious depression—with subsequent longer-term negative consequences to relationships.

The latter is the prime concern of this blog; but that is not to in anyway make light of the personal costs and struggles of SAD on the individual directly affected. Not at all. I would point out that much has already been written on the care and maintenance specifically for SAD-ones. These articles are helpful and should be investigated. My concern in this blog is for the long term health of their community—husbands, wives, friends, families, co-workers, significant others.

So for the purpose of this blog we will just assume that SAD ‘is what it is’ and ‘it happens’! The SAD-one will ‘go dark’– but they can make a choice to ‘go dark well’ or not. These choices and actions that a SAD-one makes have longer term consequences to their community. SAD is what it is– of course—but there are things that can be done under the description of ‘going dark well’ that will minimize the holiday consequential damage to friends and family—and some things that would even build a stronger community. My question to you, SAD-one is this: How can the damage to your relationships be minimized this year?
1) Don’t isolate. Isolation is not your friend. Get opinions from doctors, friends, others who know what you are going through.
2) Be aware of going dark. This seems right doesn’t it? Ignorance is also not our friend in anyway. If it is dark outside, and the frenetic pressures of the holiday have ramped up—then it is safe to say that the stresses and the darkness could collide to create the perfect emotional storm—depression. Do yourself, friends and family a favor and look in the mirror. How’s it going?
3) Get some light. Go to Costco, or Walmart, or go online to Amazon and check out the technology that is readily available to bring more sunshine into your life in the comfort of your own bedroom. Verilux, NatureBright and others market a SAD light therapy device that in 15-30 minutes can give your body the equivalence to a day at the beach in bright sunshine. Many swear by these devices. Shop around—on-line process are between $100 and $200.
4) Go dark well. SAD is what-it-is and will happen whether we want it to or not. So now what? Hear this well. You do not have a free pass to drag people into your depression. There is no entitlement that allows you to do that carte blanche. Where does this sense of entitlement come from? I think that the ‘entitlement energy’ comes from your sense of internal ethics/morality which recognizes that what is happening to you is really not fair. You did nothing to deserve it—and it appears that you can do nothing to fix it. The balance scale in your heart says, ‘I am owed reparation’. Now it is a hop, skip and a jump to feel entitled then to put liens on the people who are closest to you. This will almost always be destructive to your relationships.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt it is only in extreme pathological situations that subjects do this intentionally. It is more at the subconscious level. What occurs – sometimes subtly, other times more obviously, is that the SAD-one, energized by the sense of unfairness and the related sense of entitlement moves to draw others into their plight—shifting attention, conversation, actions to them and their needs. To put it in ‘Buberian’ terms, the relationship shifts from ‘I-Thou’ to ‘I-It’, or in the extreme, I. A vortex forms around the SAD-one that sucks all—willing or unwilling– toward the center. Please note that I am not in anyway suggesting that this is crazy or unnatural. In fact, I am suggesting that this is very normal to fallen humanity—we all do it. And yet it needs to be said that it can be quite destructive to relationships. There are consequences to these choices. This is not going ‘dark well’.

Sad-one, you no doubt really do feel anxious, lonely, afraid, hopeless, angry, abandoned, paranoid—in a word—dark. You probably also – again very human—really do feel a surge of powerful ‘entitlement-energy’ driving you to do whatever it takes to feel better somehow. But hear this, there is no entitlement given to you to do the latter. No permission is implicitly given to you to draw others—including loved ones—especially loved ones– into the unfair vortex—without their assent and permission.

How does this feel to your ‘others’? Often it can feel like they are being dangerously drawn down into a destructive vortex, a black hole—in which they are helpless to do what seems to be required of them. Often, when they observe your countenance, your movement toward or away from them, or the rhetoric which can sound ‘attacking’ or ‘blaming’, it would not be unreasonable for their fight-or-flight mechanisms to kick in– defenses go up, avoidance mechanisms begin in earnest. They move to fill the moat around them to make sure that their ‘stuff’ (value, worth, identity, time) is not depleted—that they are not treated with dishonor or unfairly—without permission. Let me put it in starker terms—they do whatever to guard themselves from being used and victimized by a friend.

Maybe you think that this is overstated. So let me put it in understated terms. They are not necessarily automatically drawn toward you. They often will feel uncomfortable, in danger, vulnerable, and would prefer to flee. NB- I am not justifying these actions at all. I am just observing that this would be all-too human reactions that would be natural consequences of unwanted relational demands by another; normal cause and effect. It spirals from there. There are consequences to their hesitancy or flight. You, the SAD-one would naturally feel even more dissed, or abandoned, or alone and unloved. The vortex only grows stronger and stronger in natural, normal—but destructive cause and effects. Sounds familiar?

This story line is played out in thousands of homes regularly during this season. Usually it is left there. The SAD eventually dissipates as the sun peaks out of the clouds. The person with the disorder begins to feel better about themselves and their world. They return to some normality as if leaving a dark musky cloud. But then they have to deal with the consequences of their choices during SAD—and the subsequent responses and counter responses of their ‘others’. Often they are surprised that their significant others are a bit distant, untrusting or even angry.

What is to be done to break such a destructive cycle? Choose now to heroically go dark well! I had a friend who went dark recently. She really did feel terrible; lonely, anxious, worried about life, and finances, children– life choices, past and present. She ended up dragging her husband into these poorly-timed heavy life discussions—implicitly demanding that he feel as anxious as her. When he didn’t respond in the way that she wanted, she became blaming and critical of him, recounting old sins and patterns, reminding him of his shortcomings—which were surprisingly all too clear to her in her SAD.

His response? He just wanted to escape the vortex– get away – to avoid conflict with her—to avoid her. So he quietly moved out to his X-Box to immerse in fantasy—it was much safer to become a Navy Seal and penetrate enemy lines on a suicide mission that to face her. Then – of course you could script the narrative, she felt more abandoned by him; unloved, lonely, etc. etc.

But this season, my SAD-one friend chose a different—far more heroic and loving path. It was clear to me that in addition to the SAD vortex energy, there was another energy working in her. This SAD-one was able to come clean to her husband verbally. She realized that she was not being objective, that it was not really all about him—that she really did love him and didn’t want to hurt him—even though she knew that she had said—and was thinking very hurtful things. Remember the Apostle Paul? The things that he wanted to do, he wasn’t doing. But the things that he didn’t want to do, those were the very things that he did. The SAD-one was able to verbalize this to her husband in the very midst of her emotional darkness. In one sense, this was very heroic—and in actuality, it was the right thing to do. She was doing what she could at the time to honor her husband—with no loss of honor for herself at all. It was a win-win. She was also able to recognize and verbalize just how her twisted sense of ‘entitlement’ was actively fighting against her vulnerability. His momentum in response to her vulnerability was remarkable. He was immediately drawn toward her—which by the way was her original goal in the first place. SAD-one, choose to go dark well.

5) Go light well. When the disorder finally fade away, own up to anything that has been done or said that could be dishonoring to your significant others. There are legitimate consequences to acting out. There is also no entitlement to escape consequences for the way that you went dark. Now in the light, effort must be made to invest in your relationship—expecting that some trust needs to be rebuilt. If there is any entitlement, it could be argued that your significant other is entitled to apologies, reparation, and restitution. In the highest sense, God is accountable for your SAD. But you are accountable for your actions and choices during SAD. There is no free pass. Remember, any foundations that are repaired or built now will be of immense value to you next year! You really do want someone with you who truly trusts you during the next SAD.

It seems that I am putting a great deal of the burden for ‘going dark well’ on the shoulders of the one with the disorder. I am—at least in this particular blog. Why? Largely because so much has been written on the role of the ‘others’—and such little ink has been spilt speaking to the SAD-one. We naturally want to feel compassion for them—it is unfair that they go through this. We feel helpless to break the stronghold of the disorder. We don’t want to put any more burden on them. But having said that—people must make choices in their lives under tough conditions. SAD-ones can’t choose whether to go dark or not—that decision seems to be made for them—but they can and must choose whether to go dark well or not.

For Christians, such humility and vulnerability is a powerful grace—not intrinsic to the human heart– but powerfully and readily available through the Holy Spirit in them. Such movement – heroic movement toward honoring others—is also a powerful Spirit fruit—also wildly available by grace through faith. Heroic actions on the behalf of others while hanging upon one’s inevitable cross is God’s nature—always. So here is my last word to SAD-ones. You have—along with your ugly cross—the invitation to present a powerful testimony of the present value of the blood of Christ for the world to see. If by grace you are willing to give up your sense of entitlement– to love and honor others when every iota of your flesh is crying out that you are entitled—then you are exhibiting a very powerful, beyond human power. SAD-brothers, SAD-sisters, speak the gospel loudly to us.

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Dark Days of Christmas

Posted on December 7, 2007

I am reading a very insightful book by Terry Hargrave, Families and Forgiveness: Healing Wounds in the Intergenerational Family (New York:Brunner/Mazel Publishers, 1994). Very insightful and on point with the philosophy held by this website.

It is particularly helpful to help us understand why so often our high expectations of wonderful romantic family Holiday gatherings don’t materialize. Hargrave would say that affected families have lost interpersonal ‘trustworthiness’.

When people engage in relationships that have a balanced give-and-take between relational entitlements and obligations, this innate sense of justice is satisfied. Balance between give and take over a period of time produces a sense of trustworthiness in the relationship. At its basic foundation, a trusting relationship provides security that individuals will receive what they deserve in the relationship without having to threaten, manipulate, or retaliate and the freedom to contribute and given the relationship without fear or apprehension.(24)

Meaning that for many, maybe most families, there has been a history of interpersonal imbalance that has robbed the family of the security which intimacy requires. Maybe over the years dad didn’t tell his children that he loved them– leaving them thinking that they had been robbed of something. Maybe mom harbored fears of failing and struggled with finances jumping on anyone who in her opinion spent too much on stuff. Maybe one partner felt that they had carried more than their share of the burden. Maybe there were harmful secrets that held power. So when this family gathers around the Christmas tree with expectations of joy, and fun, and family memories, the hypocrisy of the situation bubbles up– reminders of just how far from the Currier and Ives romantic print this family is– which bubbles up resentment, anger, etc. So you can imagine the mixed messages that come from gifts. I can recall a time when my heart puked out such a powerful thought. I don’t even recall what the person gave me, but what came out of my heart was this– “Sure you want to look gracious and thoughtful now, but what about when you….!!! Am I just supposed to forget the things that you said then?” Fortunately I didn’t really say these words out loud. But the point is that I could not trust their generosity in the light of my perception of their history of ungenerosity. No joy from their gift. No intimacy. Just an awkward gathering.

When there is a consistent or severe imbalance in this relational give-and-take, individuals feel that they either have been cheated by or have over benefited from relationships. Instead of their being a balance that builds trustworthiness in a relationship, trust is drained and the members of the relationship feel that their just entitlement is threatened. Instead of providing individuals freedom to give and security to receive, the relationships becomes an unstable arena with a dog-eat-dong quality, where individuals strive only to secure their own entitlement. It is again the innate sense of justice that sets individuals in the relationship on this self-justifying claim toward securing compensation for their just entitlement.

This ‘destructive entitlement’ manifests itself in so many ways including: paranoid attitudes (they are out to get me, to destroy me), hostility, rage, emotional cutoffs, irresponsible behavior (getting drunk, driving under the influence, drugs, saying inappropriate things), and destructive harm to others.

Look, this Christmas perhaps the first step is to just see it for what it is. Here is where healing can begin starting Dec 26th. Jesus has come to bring peace– an external gift from His hands. Jesus is all about rebuilding the dismantled past. He brings with Him all of the entitlements actually due me, no matter how large and over what period of time. Imagine! That would be Noel!

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Spain Legally Declares the Value of a Person

Posted on November 1, 2007

I find the recent verdict in the Spain terrorism trial fascinating. On Halloween, 21 out of the 28 defendants of the March 2004 bombing that left 190 dead and 1800 injured were found guilty of various legal aspects of terrorism. Three of the defendants received sentences of 34,000 to 43,000 years in jail. Wow. Now that’s what I’m talking about! That means that the jury valued the persons murdered in the range of 179-226 years per individual.

Now it is noted that the verdict is largely symbolic. There is no death sentence in Spain and the maximum sentence for terrorism is only 40 years. But nevertheless, it is a cry from the jury for payment, for restoration, for a penalty that fits the crime. Spanish Prime Minister José Zapatero welcomed the verdict saying, “Justice was rendered today.” Though I know what he means, but it is only true in a very narrow sense. All of the ‘justice’ allowed by the Spanish law was rendered today. But not ‘all justice’ was rendered.

Biblically each of the victims—image bearers of the Creator God were worth far more than 226 years of the perpetrator’s life. They are each individually so valuable, that there is no way for the terrorists to ever pay for their crime in the highest sense. Secondly, justice not only requires a punishment—suitable for the crime, but restitution for the victims. In this sense, ‘justice’ was only partially rendered. For the living victims, there is a season of validation of their worth and value and a symbolic gesture of how the community measures their worth. To sentence someone 43,000 years for a crime is a bold statement that the victims were indeed people of great worth. The terrorist act was a great crime against very valuable people. But in a higher sense, an important ‘greater justice’ for the victims is missing. The sentence, even if it was fully executed, does not come anywhere near restoring what was taken. There are those who lost their lives, who suffered and may still be suffering from injuries, fears, insecurities—those whose lives were irreparably changed without their permission. The ‘justice’ for them—for the victims was not truly rendered. Why? Because Spanish law, much like our own is only designed to be punitive, not restorative.

The victims still long for a deeper justice, a higher justice, a greater justice from a court with the authority to truly restore what was taken. But the Spanish courts fall short of this hope.

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Forgiveness in the Jewish High Holy Days

Posted on October 30, 2007

Though I am not a Jew I have gained an appreciation for the Jewish religious season that we have just now completed. For a Jew, there is no time of the year more important than the High Holy Days (HHDs)– beginning at the blowing of the shophar at Rosh Hashanah (Sept 13) and culminating in the grand party of Sukkoth (Sept 15-Oct 3).

It seems to me that at the very heart and soul of the HHDs is God’s awareness that we humans just can’t get along—not with each other, not with Him. The Jew annually comes relationally dysfunctional and ideally leaves the HHDs in shalom with God, with spouses, friends, even enemies. I wonder if this celebration is one of the reasons that the Jewish people have maintained such a strong unity as a people even in the midst of such severe persecution. I think so.

Here is how I (admittedly a gentile) see the HHDs going down. Rosh Hashanah is the due diligence exercise. The Jew has 10 days to catalogue everything they did wrong in the last 12 months—and to make them right. This is the time for serious heart-work. This is the season of apologies, reparation and hopefully forgiveness. What’s the rush? At Yom Kippur, everyone stands in front of God to be tried for all of their thoughts words and deeds. If there are no unresolved issues, God proclaims them ‘righteous’. If there are unresolved issues, God declares them ‘wicked’ (technically meaning that they are community killers!).

Well this is genius! Look, lets face it—who among us, Jew or Gentile would be declared by the all-knowing God completely ‘right’? I don’t suspect that God grades on a curve like my 10th grade physics teacher. So this is the great humiliating ‘equalizer’. Everybody is declared – “Community killer”. It is my personal experience that people in ugly relationships readily see the ‘other’ as being ‘community killer’. But rarely do they see themselves as ‘community killer’ as well (in spite of the obvious anger, hatred, even vengeance!).

But then something remarkable happens. Everybody helplessly sits back – all declared failures and watch as God Himself pays for all of their crimes—at a great cost. He underwrites the ‘straightening’ of what the participants had bent. Then the High Priest waves his hands and declares, ‘Let this be forgiveness to you!’ Wow!

Now the Jew has 10 days to absorb the holy drama. For in 10 days—Sukkoth happens. At Sukkoth, all Jews party as one in shalom! We have the expression, to ‘kiss and make up’. This is a much larger version of that.

Isn’t this stunning? Every year, every Jew focuses on the healing of relationships. Every year, every Jew is declared a failure in their ability to love others. Every year they get a HHD re-do, underwritten and purchased by God.

I like it! It strikes me that this at the very heart of our weekly High Holy ‘Day’. We God-followers- too - come willingly, relationally dysfunctional, needy with great expectation to our Lord’s Table—His Yom Kippur and Sukkoth combined. Our hope is that we can access the power of God by faith to heal us and our community weekly—so that we can this week go and love ‘others’. It is better good news than we ever thought!

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Happy Rosh Hashanah! I Think?

Posted on September 26, 2007

Do you mean that it is more than a day off of school? Oh yes. This is the season in the Jewish calendar that is brilliant and potentially very powerful, community shaping and healing. Maybe – just maybe—this is one of the reasons that the Jewish community has survived and thrived over the millennia amid stiff oppression.

Rosh Hashanah is best known to we gentiles as the Jewish New Year. But if we only knew. It is nothing at all like the narcissistic individualistic New Years of the west. We can only recommit ourselves to individual self-improvement resolutions that last maybe a month—OK maybe a week.

For the Jew, this season is far more than that. This is a time for each pious Jew to get a spiritual, emotional, and relational re-do. Let’s face it, who has not screwed things up in the last month, much less year? I certainly have. Some of my bonehead actions and choices have been destructive to not only me but to friends and family. I can really try to make things right—but that is very hard to do often. That is the point of this blog site. Reconciliation is tough—real tough. Cheap forgiveness comes pretty easy—but an experience of the real McCoy is rare and hard to come by.

Imagine with me a time when an entire family, or community all come together committed to making things right for all unresolved issues of the previous year. This is the apparent goal for all Jews all over the globe each year at this time! Imagine the possibilities. I am not aware of anything remotely like this in my western European individualistic culture and mentality. Maybe there would be something among some First Nations peoples or maybe something from Asian cultures perhaps.

The event begins annually on the 1st of Ellul (August 15th this year) and continues through Rosh Hashanah (Sept. 13th) to the eve of Yom Kippur (Sept 22). Each Jew is to explore the ways that they have hurt others, robbed, gossiped, slandered, showed disrespect, etc. and do ‘teshuvah’ (deep repentance). Teshuvah involves not only the important asking for forgiveness, but also making reparation—paying any debt, making things right.

But reconciliation is two-way. For the community to experience a renewed shalom, there must also be forgiveness from the victim. At the end of the 10 days—just before sunset—just before the Yom Kippur, in many modern Jewish communities they say a wrap-up prayer similar to this,

I hereby forgive all who have hurt me, all who have done me wrong, whether deliberately or by accident, whether by word or deed, May no one be punished on my account. And I forgive and pardon fully those who have done me wrong, may those whom I have harmed forgive and pardon me, whether I acted deliberately or by accident, whether by word or deed. I am now ready to fulfill the commandment of “to love my neighbor as myself.

Imagine the possibilities if these prayers were really meant? Suspend your cynicism and resistance to this for a moment. Sure, these are mere words, but imagine if it was real. Not just you meaning this, but those around you—those you hurt this year, those who hurt you. Imagine the Judge God waving His hand over the community and saying, “It is finished!” Imagine the healing in the community. Imagine the healing between that community and others around it? Imagine starting each year with a re-do. Relationships which had degraded through increasingly entrenched negative feelings and anger –defused— and injected with a powerful new start?

For the Jew, this is a very serious exercise. Why? Because Rabbis teach that there are consequences—serious ones for not pulling this off. It is understood that annually on Yom Kippur (The Day of Payment) that God rises to the bench as the Judge of the Universe and opens the trial of each man’s heart. If they have no unresolved crimes, they are declared ‘tsaddiq- righteous’ and are blessed with a year of life. If there are any unresolved crimes, crimes that are not fully repented of, or not fully forgiven, then the person is declared ‘rasha’(-wicked)’—and are dealt a year of death.

I have been on board with the ritual up to this point. Here is my question to the Rabbis. Who pulls this off to the point that God says—“That’s good enough!” Who is tsaddiq? Or what can be said if everyone is annually found ‘rasha’-guilty?

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Its Time to Come Clean! (originally written in Jan 2004)

Posted on July 17, 2007

January 1, 2004
(originally printed in the Intelligencer (Doylestown Pa))

Its time to come clean! …

The Roman Catholic Chuch and in particular the Archdioceses of California are at a severe cross-roads. The good news is that it is not too late to do the right thing.

Dec 31, 2003 was the last day that Californians could file molestation lawsuits against the Roman Catholic Dioceses of California. According to Associated Press report (Dec 30, 2003), the flood of litigation has come as the courts lifted for one year the statute of limitations for older molestation lawsuits—resulting in as many as 750 new lawsuits. What is the response of the Diocese? Attorneys for the church say that it is

“unfair to dust off allegations after the passage of so much time—in one case, more than 70 years.”

Archdiocese spokesman Tod Tamberg said the law had made the church vulnerable to ‘some claims that are demonstrably false’.

Now perhaps, in a cold courtroom context, it is unfair to the accused to attempt to defend 70 year old accusations. But my problem with the comments is that these matters should never have been delayed in the first place! Biblically, ethically and morally, whether crimes were committed yesterday or 70 years ago, the church had an ongoing obligation to investigate charges thoroughly…

For a church that supposedly believes in the radical power of Christ to bring experiential justice for all victims, it is absurd to choose a lesser strategy of hiding behind legal debate and nuances. In my life I have seen a number of sexual abuse victims enter paths of powerful healing and reconciliation–never as a direct result of court settlements—no matter how liberal. Ultimately, any in or out-of-court ‘payoffs’ can actually become a further form of victimization. The victims are far too valuable and too much was taken from them to ever be paid back.

It is significant that no one for the Archdiocese is arguing that none of the molestation claims are real. It is not a question of ‘if’ the crimes happened in California, but ‘how many times”. God help us! Whether 750 people were molested or even one—these are horrible crimes that the church should have been aggressively pursuing with all energies—no matter how long ago the reported abuses took place—no matter what the cost. So where are the public confessions? Where are the public validations of the crimes against the victims? How dare anyone related to the church of Jesus Christ argue that ‘some claims are demonstrably false’. Even if there was only one single case of child abuse by any priest or staff, that should have been enough for a deep repentant public coming-clean.

For the good of the victims, the victim’s families and communities, the church should have immediately and willingly sought to expose all crimes publicly—resisting any smell of a cover-up. The guilty should have come clean and openly repented, been officially disciplined and de-frocked; police investigators brought in to consider appropriate legal charges. Then the church could have honestly focused on the healing of the victims.

Any cover up—any delay—any blameshifting or shielding of the perpetrators is ‘anathema’. These only further victimize the individuals. Functionally, the church by doing these proclaims a very impotent gospel—and further loses any credibility. This is a tragic sign of the ongoing secularization of the church.

But, having said all of this, it is not too late for the California Dioceses and the RCC as a whole to gird their loins and do the right thing. They can take massive baby steps to finally honor victims even after all these years.

To the perpetrators—No matter what legal advice you are being given—it is time to come clean. Act out of your belief in the gospel, in the finished work on Jesus Christ for all your sins and come clean. Publicly admit what horrific crimes that you perpetrated against helpless children. Whether it was yesterday or 70 years ago—it doesn’t really matter. Why do you have to wait for the courts to decide? Confess! Likewise, you priests, officials and staff who furthered the abuse through indifference, denial and cover-up—it is time for you too to come clean….

Preach the gospel boldly by your actions. Wasn’t it Francis of Assisi who said “Preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words.”

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